


That Ain't Sin, That's a Loophole

by goodmythicalghoulboy (Robomantic)



Category: Noel Miller - Fandom, Provo's Most Eligible, Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Clothed Sex, Dirty Talk, Dry Humping, Frottage, Kinktober 2019, M/M, Mormonism, Netflix and Chill, Or maybe the notable absence of it?, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 22:56:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robomantic/pseuds/goodmythicalghoulboy
Summary: I was inspired by the sizzling chemistry and sexual tension (don't @ me, I'm just saying what I saw) in Noel's video,FACING THE MORMON BACHELOR. That and the discovery of the idea of "durfing" which is the idea that dry humping doesn't count as sex and therefore isn't a sin (jury's still out on whether this is a real thing or some kind of Mormon urban legend lol.Posting this for Kinktober 2019 for the kinks dry humping and clothed sex (not really following any particular list, just following my horny heart for the most part).





	That Ain't Sin, That's a Loophole

**Author's Note:**

> Quick blanket apology/disclaimer. I'm sure Colin is a good boy and doesn't really durf and even if he did, it'd be quite a stretch to believe the loophole applies with other dudes so this all just a conceit for the sake of a fantasy and doesn't reflect Colin's or any other LDS peeps actual beliefs (frankly, I couldn't even begin to tell you what LDS peeps actually believe other than what I've learned on South Park and from Mormon Mom Bloggers --don't ask. That and Noel is a solid dude who wouldn't want to try and shake Colin's faith (as he said in the video, that's evil lol) so this is just all my filthy brain at work, a thousand apologies lol. **Please, for the love of God, don't tweet this or share this to Noel or Colin etc.**

They had just finished Colin’s short intro bit for the durfing music video and Noel and Colin were sharing a few laughs over the concept of the world’s thinnest jeans. 

“I mean really, basketball shorts or sweatpants are the best thing, not jeans,” Colin said and then blushed when he realized how telling his insider info was. 

“Oh I see, like creeps hittin’ the strip club,” Noel said with a laugh. Colin laughed too, trying to shake off his embarrassment, but Noel almost wished he wouldn’t. He’d been so cute, blushing and giggling all day. He liked the idea that he got Colin flustered. 

“So how are you gonna react if I’m in basketball shorts the next time you we hang out?” Noel said, unable to resist looking for a reaction. Colin’s face stayed pinked up, but he just smiled and shrugged, unable to look Noel in the eyes. Fuck. Noel stepped in closer. 

“So it’s like that, huh?” 

“Well, you’re not in shorts now so I guess you’ll have to find out next time,” Colin said with another shrug. He was talking pretty big talk despite the fact that he seemed to be in a staring contest with the floor and his cheeks looked hot to the touch. Noel was not one to back down from a challenge. 

“So why don’t you come by my place tomorrow night then, big shot? No dress code,” Noel said with a smirk. 

“Ok, fine,” Colin said and Noel knew he was in trouble because he found it cute as hell that the kid couldn’t stop smiling after Noel had vaguely threatened to dry hump the hell out of him. Mormons and their fuckin’ loopholes, man. 

Noel never did anything by halves, so he didn’t let himself jerk off between then and the next night. He knew there was a fairly high chance that Colin would back down and his frustration would be for nothing, but if the durfing went down he wanted the best possible chance at actually getting off without taking any clothes off… and maybe there was some sick part of him that wanted to come so much that it soaked through both their clothes, like it would somehow make it just a little better if his come was able to make even the barest contact with Colin’s skin.

Noel decided to do a little straightening up before Colin was set to show up. He was trying to plan out a way to operate within the loophole but still get the best result when he had a stroke of brilliance and started grabbing storage boxes, laundry baskets, anything he could think of and stacking them on his couch. When he was done he went and straightened up his room and made the bed and then hopped in the shower. Afterwards he put on his thinnest basketball shorts (sans underwear) and waited to see if Colin would show up. 

Noel kind of expected that given a day to think things over, Colin would back out and cancel, maybe come up with some excuse, but he really fucking hoped he wouldn’t. It was crazy, but there was something about the idea of having these limitations of what they could do that was getting him extremely worked up. It was like high school shit all over again. It had been an exercise in willpower to not rub one out in the shower, especially after he learned about what “soaking” was and started to wonder if Colin would let him get it in if he promised not to thrust and not to come. 

Noel was a grown man and definitely not Mormon, he could just go find someone willing and have actual sex, for fuck’s sake! There was no real reason why the idea of this weird pseudo sex (which let’s be real, that shit is sex, just more frustrating sex) was turning him on like that. Maybe it had more to do with Colin and the idea of getting past that cute shy exterior and making him moan and wiggle a little. 

The doorbell rang just as Noel had almost convinced himself to give up on waiting and just jerk himself off right there in the living room. He was a little disappointed in himself at being half hard this early in the game, but there wasn’t much to do about it by that point. He stood up and did his best to adjust himself, but realized it was totally pointless in the soft thin shorts and went to open the door regardless. 

Colin was already beet red in the face and Noel realized he was probably afraid Noel would open the door and crack up and tell him he’d been joking, but the brave bastard still showed up and, God bless him, he was wearing basketball shorts too. He seemed shy as hell, but he had balls of steel, Noel would give him that much. 

“Hey man, come on in. I like your shorts,” Noel said and let Colin walk past him to come inside just so he could get a view from the back. He was not disappointed by the perky little ass so pleasantly displayed by the thin silky material of the shorts. 

Colin looked at the couch covered in clutter and then looked to Noel with a confused look on his face, “Did you forget I was coming by?” 

“Oh, you know what? I totally forgot that I’d been doing some cleaning and organizing and all that and uh, I didn’t really get a chance to finish up so I thought we could just chill in my room and watch Netflix in there or something,” Noel explained, barely feigning innocence and shrugging. 

“Ok, that’s fine with me,” Colin said, but his voice broke a little on the end and Noel almost felt bad for him. Maybe he was coming on a little strong, but if Colin wasn’t backing down, then he wasn’t going to worry about it too much. Once they were in the room, maybe he’d pull back and let Colin lead things for awhile just to feel him out. 

They headed to the room and Noel quickly plopped down on the side of the bed closer to the door, strategically placing himself so Colin would end up on the side closer to the TV and therefore in the little spoon position, should things fall together like he’d hoped. 

“So what should we watch?” Colin asked, sitting down on the bed and scooting his back against the headboard. 

“You’re the guest, why don’t you pick something?” Noel said and turned on the TV and logged into his Netflix account before passing the remote to Colin. Colin took it and started scrolling through the categories with confidence, like he already had an idea of what he was looking for. 

“Do you like The Office? I haven’t watched that in a long time,” he said as though the idea had just occurred to him, but game recognize game. The Office was ideal for Netflix and chill purposes as there was a shit ton of episodes so you didn’t have to worry about pausing what you were doing to find something else to put on and pretty much everyone had watched it so it was easy to tune out if necessary, but entertaining enough that you could actually enjoy watching it if things didn’t go to plan. This kid had definitely done his share of Netflix and durfing before. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Noel said giving Colin a knowing smile and predictably Colin just smiled and blushed and looked away at the screen to start The Office. He settled back in against the headboard and tapped his fingers on his thighs, so of course Noel couldn’t help looking at the hem of those shorts and imagining sliding his hand up underneath--

“Oh gosh, I should probably lay down or else you’re not going to be able to see the TV,” Colin said, interrupting Noel’s train of thought. 

“Oh yeah, I guess you’re right,” Noel said, even more assured that this was not Colin’s first rodeo by far and he had to prevent himself from getting too distracted by that thought because Colin was already doing an admirable job of ignoring Noel’s painfully obvious semi thus far and he didn’t want to the whole plausible deniability angle too much. 

Colin laid down on his side and propped his head up on his arm. 

“Go ahead and make yourself comfortable man, you can use a pillow if you want to,” Noel assured him and Colin smiled back at him in thanks before wiggling the pillow into a comfortable position. The way he was lying on his side with his knees pulled up just served to stick out that cute little ass all the better and all Noel could think about was how much he wanted to be up against that. 

“Wow, your bed is really comfy,” Colin said, kinda wiggling around in place like he was really settling in, but with Noel’s laser focus fully trained on his ass, that little wiggle move looked absurdly seductive. It was probably the horniness making him a little dumb. That or that coy Mormon bastard knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Yeah, shit, that actually does look pretty comfy, I mean this headboard isn’t the best back rest. I think I gotta lay down too,” Noel said. 

“For sure,” Colin said, aiming for casual and disinterested but coming out more like a whisper. 

Noel slid down the bed and made a show of propping up a couple pillows so he could see above Colin’s head as if he really planned to pay attention to the Dunder Mifflin crew at all. He settled in behind Colin by just a couple of inches, just enough that they weren’t touching, but closer than would usually be acceptable between a couple of dudes just hanging out… in a bed. He remembered that he’d planned to let Colin take the reins from then on and resisted the urge to start subtly shifting himself forward. 

Instead, he was deeply gratified to notice Colin doing a little yawn and stretch move that almost magically seemed to end with the narrow distance between their bodies suddenly getting much narrower. In fact, Noel was close enough now that from his position he could easily lean forward and see that he wasn’t the only one getting hard this early in the game and that was enough for him to feel confident in moving things forward. 

“Damn, am I crazy or is it kinda cold in here? I mean I keep the air cranking in here, maybe we should be under this blanket instead of on it,” Noel said. 

“Yeah, I am kinda cold in these shorts,” Colin agreed and to Noel it almost felt like mentioning the shorts out loud was like Mormon dirty talk and for some crazy reason it was working for him so Noel decided he could give as good as he got.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. My shorts are so fucking thin dude. I mean, they might honestly be the thinnest shorts in the world,” Noel said, directly referencing the video they’d done advertising fake jeans meant for better dry humping. 

“Guess we better get under the cover then,” Colin said, with a little laugh that was somewhere between nervous and flirtatious. They got up long enough for Noel to throw the covers back and they both got back in the bed and this time around Colin didn’t even bother leaving a gap between them in the first place, which maybe that was okay now that the blanket was covering them? The blanket was like physical plausible deniability. As long as the blanket was there no one could be sure what was going on underneath, not even God, so it didn’t matter? Noel was still trying to figure out the rules as they went along, but if it worked for Colin, it sure as hell worked for him.

The feeling of a warm soft body pressed up against him was so fucking good in that moment that it took everything in Noel to not thrust up against him like a horny dog humping someone’s leg. Instead he rolled his hips slowly, tortuously slow, and even over the TV he could hear the little gasp of breath Colin let out. Colin, for his part arched his back and gave Noel a better angle. 

Maybe Noel was so keyed up that everything felt a little exaggerated but the two thin layers of clothing between them didn’t seem like shit in that moment. It was all too easy to shift his hips and slide his hard on right up into the crack of Colin’s ass, the shorts weren’t doing fuck all to stop him. 

“Did I mention I like your shorts?” Noel said, low and quiet in Colin’s ear, and at the muffled response he realized Colin had put his hand over his mouth at some point.

“Nah, fuck that,” Noel said and grabbed Colin’s arm and pulled it gently away from his mouth, he wasn’t too clear on the rules of all this, but he wanted to hear every noise Colin was going to make and he certainly hadn’t heard anything about having to be clothed AND silent. He rocked his hips again, effectively hot dogging it through two pairs of shorts and this time he got to hear the timid little moan Colin let out. 

“I guess you really like The Office, huh?” Noel said even as he continued to slide his now fully hard cock right between those cheeks. “Uh huh,” Colin moaned and nodded and Noel had to laugh a little. 

“Yeah? You like it? That’s a good ass show, right?” Noel whispered low enough to raise goosebumps up and down Colin’s arms, Colin moaned again and nodded fervently.

“So good, yeah,” Colin whispered and Noel abruptly rolled away onto his back. Colin looked back at him, not bothering to hide his disappointment and confusion in the least.

“Why don’t you come over here and show me how much you like it?” Noel said, gesturing at his lap, and there was that pretty flush again, but as he’d already proven, Colin didn’t shy away from a challenge either and he got up and straddled Noel’s waist, pulling the blanket around them and if that helped, then Noel was fine with sweating it out because there was no fucking way he was cold anymore. 

Colin bit his lip and slowly lowered himself down fully onto Noel’s lap and Noel bit back a curse. He knew he’d thought he would be cool with the clothes on rule, but he couldn’t help but imagine just how much better it would be if Colin could sink down on his cock properly. He couldn’t imagine how fucking tight that little hole had to be, but fuck did he wish he could find out. 

Colin’s face was bright red and Noel could tell he was feeling a little exposed sitting up on top of him like that, blanket or not, but that didn’t stop him. He rolled his hips forward and this time his own achingly hard cock got to join the party as it pressed up against Noel’s and Colin let out another little moan and instinctively went to cover his mouth again, but Noel grabbed his hands and directed them to his waist instead.

“Go on, show me you like it,” Noel said again and this time he didn’t bother pretending he was talking about the show. Colin could do that in his head if he needed to, but Noel figured they were past that and openly embracing the loophole now. 

Noel rocked his hips up against Colin’s this time and moved with him and was pretty satisfied when that seemed to knock the inner-hoe in Colin loose a little as his hands suddenly gripped Noel’s waist tight as he moaned loudly and rolled his body against Noel’s. 

“Yeah, there you go, just like that,” Noel encouraged him and let his own hands fall on Colin’s hips to feel him move (and maybe to discourage himself from doing anything stupid like reaching into either of their shorts and fucking the whole thing up). Colin was getting his rhythm at that point, his body rocking slow and steady as he tried his best to rub their cocks together through their shorts. He was whimpering a little now and Noel was satisfied to know Colin was as frustrated he was.

Noel decided to help things along and pulled Colin down by his tee shirt so that he had to catch himself on his arms, bringing their bodies closer together. He reached down and grabbed Colin by the ass and maneuvered him into place so their cocks could slide up against each other all the easier and Colin cried out and let his forehead drop against Noel’s shoulder. He seemed only capable of holding himself over Noel so Noel took over and rocked their bodies together, humping up against him and letting Colin moan into his tee shirt.

“That’s it, that’s perfect,” Noel said, “Tell me something, would you let me put it in you if I promised not to move and not to come? Would you let me just feel you around me for a minute like that?” 

Colin practically bucked against him at his words, but he shook his head no. 

“You don’t trust me?” Noel said, but he was only teasing. He didn’t really expect to talk Colin into something like that, but he was curious. 

“I don’t trust me, I’d-- I’d move if you didn’t. I don’t think I’d stay still, I’d want you to--” Colin said before cutting himself off with a pornographic moan and Noel nearly came from that confession alone. Instead he repositioned his grip on Colin’s ass, letting his fingers really slide up in the crack of his ass, effectively giving him a wedgie with the damn shorts, but if that was what he had to do, he was going to do it. He let his fingers graze Colin’s hole through the shorts the best he could and was rewarded with the sweetest sounding, “Oh yes” as Colin rubbed up against him even more desperately. 

“You gonna fuck up those shorts for me?” Noel asked him and Colin nodded. 

“I want to feel it when you, when you finish,” Colin managed to whimper out and while it was probably pretty mild as far as dirty talk went, coming from Colin it seemed outrageously lewd.

“Don’t worry, baby, you will. Trust me,” Noel said and it was going to happen soon too, the way things were going. Fuck, he desperately wanted to yank their shorts down and feel their slick cocks slide up against each other freely, but instead he just let out a growl frustration and thrusted up against Colin harder, resigning himself to the inevitable friction burn he was going to have no matter how soft the damn shorts were.

“I wish you could, you know,” Colin whispered like he wasn’t even sure he wanted to Noel to hear it.

“Wish I could what?” Noel asked, egging him on. 

“Wish you could… be inside me, for real, come inside me,” Colin said, and Noel could barely fucking hear him the way he was whispering into Noel’s shirt, but he heard enough and apparently just saying that out loud was enough for Colin because suddenly he was crying out and shuddering and, fuck, Noel could feel the wet heat through both pairs of shorts. He let him ride it out for a second, but as soon as it seemed like Colin had stopped coming, he grabbed him and flipped him over and slid his cock right up between those cheeks, holding Colin down by the back of his neck so he could really show him what it would be like if they didn’t have those stupid fucking shorts between them. 

Colin spread his legs and arched his back like he wanted to get Noel as far up in him as the restricting layers would allow and Noel was more than happy to indulge him.

“Fuck, I’m about to come,” Noel said, picking up the pace as he chased his impending orgasm. 

“Do it, please, let me feel it,” Colin begged and with a final thrust that pushed Colin forward a few inches and tested the strength of the thin material between them, Noel finally unloaded, soaking the material between them and giving him the satisfaction that there was no way Colin couldn’t feel that seeping right through his shorts and into the crack of his ass. He lay there on top of Colin for a second, not yet ready to release the grip he had on the back of his neck or stop the slow lingering rolls of his hips as he came down from his orgasm, but when he finally felt too sensitive to keep going and the lust faded away enough that he was becoming all too aware of the chafing and stickiness of his dick, he stopped and rolled back over to his original side of the bed. 

“Fuck man, The Office is a good ass show,” Noel finally said to break the partial silence with something other than quiet panting and to his relief Colin laughed. He had to figure they didn’t cross the line too badly if Colin was able to laugh about it. He offered his shower up to Colin and let him get cleaned up and changed and they shared an extremely awkward bro hug before Colin left.

Noel sat on his couch for a minute and tried to process what the fuck had just happened. He was pretty sure the smart thing would be to mark the whole thing down as a single bizarre sexual experience, save it in the ol’ spank bank and let Colin go on with his life, but apparently Noel just wasn’t that smart. Before he could come down from being a little bit come dumb (and before the friction burns on his cock could start bothering him enough to put some sense in him), Noel sent a quick text to Colin.

“So, you ever watched Parks and Rec?”


End file.
